(after taking these pics, I sat there looking at them on my phone and it officially hit me that I have a lot of kids & not only that but they are all really little! 🙂 it’s funny how you see yourself differently in a picture/video than you see yourself in real life.)
Lately I have been struggling with numerous things but especially with my role of being a mother to my 3 beautiful children. I’m sure it has been partially due to a lack of sleep but I had been noticing each day was getting worse and worse, and I would literally wake up already looking forward to bedtime for the kids. My prayers (when said) would consist of asking for help to be patient and loving with my kids but without fail the time where I was losing my patience was happening earlier and earlier in the day. The vicious cycle was literally eating me alive. I always felt guilty but I was at a point where I was just giving up quicker and quicker.
I feel for me that to really want to change, things have to get pretty bad before I end up wanting to do a major over-haul. This happened.
I am a pretty proactive positive person for the most part but I admit I have been in a funk with my motherly duties for a few months now, and like I said each day I could literally see it slipping away from me. So I hit a wall and broke down to my sister-in-law, (had already minorly broke down to my sister, mom, mother-in-law, and random friends before as well) but as I sat there mass texting my sis-in-law, venting my feelings and emotions, and crying while texting b/c I knew things had gotten really bad, I felt trapped. And then as soon as I got it all out it was like the answers were unfolding immediately after the texting fiasco was over. I realized…
THIS CAN CHANGE! It’s all up to me! The power is in my hands and I need to take control!
All this time I have been trying to “fix” my kids and trying to figure out what is wrong with them/me and our relationship.
The whole time it has been me!
So that night I was up late making a plan to change. I named it “OPERATION-get mommy back!” I wrote out my rough draft and then also ran to the store and got some supplies so that I could start first thing the next morning.
I decided I was going to devote an entire week completely to my kids and then after the week assess how things went and what I could change and tweak. My days had recently been consisting of me doing everything possible to keep them busy with other people and activities so I could have a “break” but what I was getting out of that was 2 very cranky, sassy, ungrateful kids and a very mean mom. I would be in tears most days at some point b/c I was so frustrated with what was happening.
I could hardly sleep that night because I was so excited for our new adventure together! I was also assuming that it would take a few days for things to settle in and for the kids to get used to their “new” mom. Remember this was going to be a COMPLETE transformation for mom and for our days. Updates on our progress to come…